So Many Doors, but None are Open

Hello my lovely friends. I know it has been a while since we chatted, but this whole adjusting back to college thing has kicked my butt. Also, I've been trying to figure out what to say to you. Life has honestly been kicking my butt lately. It seems like everything piles up and it just feels like you're drowning. You know God has amazing plans for your life, but you are sitting at a stand still. Personally, lately it has felt like God has been leading me towards doors that were wide open, and as soon as I walk up to them they are slammed and locked in my face. Now I feel like I'm stuck in a hallway in front of a closed and locked door that God keeps pushing me towards, and I just don't get it. Why does God keep leading me toward closed doors, it's the most frustrating thing I have ever experienced. It's like God has this amazing plan, but I am blind and stuck in a waiting game. I always go back to John 13:7, "You don't know now what I'm doing, but someday you will." Yeah I'm confused and frustrated and honestly kind of want to scream... But God is still good. God is still doing what is best for me, and he is using this to teach me a lesson. I don't know what it is yet, but one day I will. God always puts people and situations in your life for a purpose, even though we don't know his reason most of the time. Thay is where faith comes in. We have to have faith that God is going to get us exactly where we need to be, exactly when we need to be there. So keep that faith and keep your head up, God is doing something big.

Life and its Conglomeration of Crazy Interestingness

Life is interesting. I don't understand it, and I know I never will. People come and go in our life. Some people hurt us, and others help us heal. Some lead us on, and some are genuine in there actions. Life is confusing. 

Life is chaotic. We are always running back and fourth. We are always trying to get and assignment in on time or makenit to a meeting or rehersal on time. We are always moving in the fast lane toward our future.

Sometimes in this crazy, chaotic thing we like to call life we forget what matters. We forget to forge friendships and try to see the best in people. We forget to make changes in out lives, like cutting out hair or trying something new. We forget to tell people we love them amd have there backs. We ignore amazing peopl who are staring us right in the face because they don't fit our "mold" or we are to busy to truly begin to embrace them and their presence. And the biggest thing I think we forget is why we were put here on earth.

In our daily lives a relationship with God is si important. It is what will allow us to enjoy today and quite worrying about the future. Our relationship with God will allow us to see and try nee things, and meet new people and make new fri nds... But we have to make time for him. We have to make time to talk to not only talk to him, but to listen for him to speak tonus. Whether that is through quite time, reading your bible, or listening to christian music, you have to take that time. So my froends, I challenege you to begin to take that time to listen to God speak to you. Stay beautiful lovlies. 

Musings of an Insomniac- What If I Died?

I don’t sleep anymore. I can’t sleep anymore. Most nights I stay up until early the next morning because I can no longer find sleep.  This of course is another side effect of my continuously changing POTS, but I deal with it.  This insomnia gives me the chance to A) watch plenty of Grey’s Anatomy (which tonight helped me realize just how terrified I am of an active shooter) or B) Think a little to much (which an be dangerous to me).  Option A sometimes fills me with great joy, yet in some cases terrifies me because of the whole active shooter thing.  Option B causes me to come to interesting realizations, while also terrifying me because of the whole active shooter thing.  Sometimes when I choose option B I begin to worry about my friends who haven’t texted me back in 2 days because I am afraid they are dead on the side of the road somewhere.  Option B also lets me think a lot about my life and the changes I need to make.  Tonight’s musings (probably because of the whole active shooter thing) have been what people would say about me if I died. I know that is an extremely gory thought, but in my mind it’s kind of important.  If I were to die tomorrow how would it affect my friends? How would it affect my family? What would people remember about me? Am I leaving the legacy I want to leave?  Who’s life would I have changed for the better? Would anyone be glad I was gone?  I like to think people would be glad I was with God, but I know that would probably be an impossible outcome, which causes me to wonder.  Would people be devastated, or would they be just like “Oh that’s sad”?  I don’t know. I know this whole post sounds extremely sad, but in my mind its really not.  It’s kind of encouraging.  It encourages me to live my life in a way to leave an impact.  It encourages me to live as the hands and feet of Christ, which will hopefully show people how much they are loved.  Honestly, I just want to help people.  I just want to make a difference.  I want people to feel loved and know they have people in their corner.  It’s probably selfish to want to make that kind of difference, but I really don’t want it to be for my glory, I want it to be for Christ’s glory.  If I were to die tomorrow I would want people to be able to say, “I could see God in her.”  I would want them to say “She showed me what love was” or  “She showed me Christ, and that changed my life.” I just want to use my life to love people. I just want to use my life to help people.  I want to live out my purpose; I want to live out the great commission. I want to live before it is too late. I want to make a difference before it is to late.  If I were to die tomorrow, I would want to be able to say I truly lived.  That I truly lived out extravagant love.  So  I challenge you my friends to figure out what you are living for.

Much Love,

Faith Abigail